Version History

Hey, Seyi here 

First of all, I'd like to appreciate every single person who took the time away from social media, their private playlists, and the general chaos that accompanies our lives to read my last post. Our biggest competitors on Buhari's internet are really just the people or products or situationships that grab the most attention for the longest period. And for six brief minutes or less, you put my competitors to shame. So thank you, for your kind words, for sharing, thank you for just being here and fully present in this life.

‍My blog is a month old today🎉

And the author behind this blog is a year older as well. I'm really not one to celebrate or be overly ecstatic at the numerical increase in my biological clock and I won't start now, but if there is one thing I could attest to over the past 365 days, it is that a feeling of worthiness has slowly returned. There are obviously a bunch of external factors that have contributed to this particular feeling, but the bulk of the work has been internalizing how much growth is possible, if I am patient enough to work on things that I enjoy, that inspire me, that challenge me such as me writing, and it's led me to a period of slow progression which honestly feels like a true slog but then again the fallible concept of instant gratification has never really applied to me before. So I will wait, I will wait in the sand or mud digesting all the ingredients of growth and when it's time to bloom, I'll be ready.

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But let's be honest, we are never really ready for what comes in the future. More often than not our fortunes change, people come and they go, life is given and taken, and our minds and bodies slowly crack as the years go by. With all of these, it's still human nature to look beyond our current situation and paint up a whole new world where we think we will finally feel happy and loved. I'm sorry if it seems as if I fall back on these metrics quite a lot when I write, but it's really just indicative of what I yearn for at this particular period of my life. No, I do not feel depressed or deprived, I'm just very selfish and oblivious to the few instances where I could tap into the metrics stated above, but I choose to consciously and unconsciously wave them away.

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Why? Well maybe I have believed that I don't quite deserve these things, maybe I'm not quite equipped to dole out happiness or love in equal measure to the people who would in a heartbeat, you should also never rule out Sapa in all of these. But whether it is a feeling of inadequacy or emotional unavailability, I think back to a time when these were non-issues, and I could also say the same for a good number of people that might read this. If you go back in time before the long billable hours of adulthood, the ridiculous mental toll of undergrad, noticing hair in the right places and in the wrong places, to playground squabbles and bruised knees, to our first consciousness and thoughts, to our first words, even to the fetus receiving its own unique DNA profile. Your story of love really began when you gave your mother a bout of morning sickness and it has not stopped till this very day. There is also the euphoria and joy of bringing life into the world and I speak for myself personally and all the trouble I've caused over the years, that even now, I still give my parents the odd moment of happiness from time to time.

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I was never more happy as a child growing up, when my sisters and I would act out a very wealthy family of two consisting of a mother and a young daughter with their butler. The twist; it was a robot butler that was always on hand to meet their every whim. Now, many years later I still play the part of butler to these two young women in a more subtle and reduced role, and even when I have failed so spectacularly at being a big brother, their love has never grown cold. I think of my big extended family, so very vibrant and loud, really diverse in their beliefs and opinions, incredibly funny and that is me understating, creative and out of the box thinkers and for the most part, good and decent people. They gave me my first nicknames, they were the first people to serve me banter and still do till today, they were a big influence on my impeccable pidgin, they made me leave Rijkaard's Barcelona for Wenger's Arsenal and they gave me my first sense of what a community should be.

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This feels like a tribute but it's not, it feels more like a personal catharsis for me and it's remarkable the truths you would find when you search within the depths of your previous self for the answers you seek today. And I have come to the realization that, there are not enough words or enough pages, and I will never live long enough to truly acknowledge all the amazing people that the universe has strategically positioned at key moments in my life. From fleeting conversations in a random bus, to hostel porters, to my Sunday school teachers, to co-workers and acquaintances, and to friendships that could stand the ultimate test of time. I'm not the best friend, or the best lover, or the best brother, not the best anything really. But I've met the best people, and they gave me the best love I'll ever know and they have given me some of the happiest days that I'll never forget.

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Before you go, just a few things to gift you guys on this very historical day and this aren't affiliate links I promise;

• If you are have been looking to get into Web design and there seems to be a ton of jargon on your path, please try out Webflow, it's a no code tool that gives you autonomous control to design for the web.
• My favorite read this month that truly set my heart racing, The Silent Patient.
• Finally Dwin the Stoic's Go with me was just a breath of fresh air to my ears.

Oh, don't mention it.