Startups : Human Edition

Hey, Seyi here

The first few lines of this ramble will feel like rubbish, I don't know why I am informing you because obviously it's quite noticeable. But as someone who does not write often and the word "often" flatters me a lot, this section feels quite important for when I actually write, to blow out the literary cobwebs and rust that have taken root. More importantly, it gives me a chance to just start writing. Sometimes...most times I start poorly and there are times I could give Shakespeare a run for his money(I'm also a liar). Anyways, disclaimer: there has been no thought given to whatsoever this is going to be(my bet is it's going to be a rant, but you never know), it's just in my schedule to write tonight and I'm very intrigued to see where it leads.

‍But how do I start?

From what angle? Which faux personality should I portray? What perfect story should I lean in with? How vulnerable should I be? There have been multiple quotes and references to buttress the well known fact that starting anything no matter how minute or mundane the activity, is the hardest, most difficult thing every human dead or alive has faced or will face. 

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Starting preschool for the first time away from your primary care givers and chucked into a classroom with snot filled babies such as yourself, who have also gone through the first emotional rollercoaster of temporary abandonment even if it's for a few hours. And then you start learning to read and write and memorize and as the years go by, you unlearn this tact of memorizing that has served you so well up to a certain point and you begin another process called "cramming", that's your ticket to a degree in this educational waste dump by the way. You are coming up on your teen years and your body is changing fast and you start to ponder "where does this blood come from", "why does this bulge disturb me every morning", and many other trivial things that change with time. 

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Few years later and it feels as if you were brought to the world just to save it. There is a mix of innocence with a decent drip of arrogance coursing through your veins and you almost feel invincible. If you have not begun adolescent experimenting at this point, I would give it two more years and you'd be sitting in a sparse room listing out your "great" exploits to whoever cares to listen. But you start those experiments with as ever the not so little weight of peer influence, which if I am being completely honest you should absolutely indulge because that's really the nature of youth. If you are not bent on discovery, especially the discovery of who you really are and finding your own identity after sampling and trialing, then what exactly is the essence of youth? 

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I honestly do not have any single word of this piece figured out, but if I was ever going to publish anything on my first acquired space on the web(rent is $20 a month), it would be on starting because a lot of us it seems have not necessarily forgotten how to, but have been more or less put off from having a reset and beginning again. To be vulnerable again, to start love again, to commit to our dreams again, to rewrite a course that we've failed and not for the first time I might add, to even start a business in the harshest economic environment till date. 

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I think we fear starting because the variables we deal with are beyond the realms of what we can control, which is a very limited pool as it is. There is now also the almost certain probability that one of the following springs up

• "No", 
• "It's not you"
• "Thank you for your interest"
• "I will get back to you" and
• "I can't do it" This is me and JavaScript.

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We cannot win anyway we look at it, so how about we just let the universe run its course and fate drops us off where we can comfortably be competitive in this never ending rat race until our time of eternal rest. I mean in another life, why should I not feel content and ultimately grateful that I get a postgraduate degree or settle abroad, earn a decent wage with a pension plan (This is pounds sterling please), find someone sturdy enough for marriage with the expectation that love can grow through the years and rough patches, save up to afford college tuition and thereafter cling on to hope that somehow the generation after you does not fall into the same boat of just existing. 

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Here is my problem with the "existing model" ; it's a personal problem and doesn't concern you at all. What if the universe is grumpy and misses my perfect drop off point, What if the race has moved on from that point, Would I be satisfied with the choices I made or were made for me. I wouldn't, but that's just the tough guy talking and masking my fear of failure. Yes I do feel fear in bucket loads and darkness is never far in clouding my view, but hope comes again and again to get me up and for that I am grateful. 

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You will be fine no matter what path you take, I promise you that. The issue about a legacy is very questionable if you ask me, because after a while your achievements become inconsequential to a very agile world. The people who stand to gain the most if you eventually succeed, will still love you in your bad moments. There will be no seismic disruption to life as it is if you start or you don't. But remember this, those half baked dreams you dismiss regularly are intrinsically tied to the stories of a few good people, they need you to start.