Search for Niche

Hey, Seyi here again

And I am thankful once again that you are here, not for my own personal validation that maybe after three months I might just tag myself a half decent writer, because I believe that storytelling of any sort is really a basic skill. From YouTube videos to podcasts, from Autobiographies to dissertations, from print media to even roadside gossip and chatter. We all have stories to tell, but some people have just been truly blessed to capture our imagination and transport us to worlds unknown. I don't do that, but for some reason you are still here scrolling through, and I'll never ever take that for granted.

‍Why am I writing 💭?

I don't think I've quite answered this question, not to myself if I'm being honest. The last couple of months have strengthened my belief that I could write on a consistent basis, but why am I writing? Why do I think that this is a means to an end when I'm not even sure what the end is. I'm not even sure what the end of this article would be. It feels like I'm running on momentum alone, which after a while runs out as quickly as it has come. A part of me wants to embrace the spontaneity of just writing off the cuff and seeing where it leads but I know it's not sustainable, not for me. That's because I'm not very consistent in applying myself, so if this just feels like a phase without a clear purpose then sooner or later it would just be that "he used to write".

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I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with not being consistent. Sometimes there are other things that take up more priority in our lives. Sometimes we can't see results in the short term and that really sets us back to not committing ourselves or our resources long term. And oftentimes in this never ending process of finding ourselves, we scrub off our old identities and beliefs and habits for our new self to get a chance to breathe. Then, it's not a matter of consistency anymore, you just don't think you are quite ready for the path you chose or you think there is so much more to what was originally planned. Either way, as much as you want to figure out what you really want to do, that will only come when you have an open mind. An open mind to learn, but more importantly an open mind to unhinge yourself from a path that you are no longer vested in, no matter how long you have been on it.

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It's hard, it's frustrating, you wish you lived in a video game to magically appear at your last save. You painfully tear down the image and profile you have built, you tweak your messaging, you delete posts, you even block people out rightly. But we are so invested, it just feels silly to rip it all up. And I should know, I mean I just went round in circles trying to find my place in tech with minimal knowledge of JavaScript and PHP for more than 18 months, while design just stood there staring at me right in the face. Was it a hard decision switching paths? Not entirely but then developers are more concerned with Web3 than time travel, so those 18 months stuck in server-side wilderness will forever be my crux to bear. 

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Some might say, well it's really not that deep and you are just entrenched and self absorbed in your own drama filled world. Write if you want to write, get a second degree if you want to, pursue a new career just because, create art just for the fun of it, must there be an attachment of purpose to every single thing that we do? Have we just over complicated mundane things over the last half century? I think we have, it was more to do with understanding how we could really take advantage of the industrial/computer age, but somehow the need to over complicate has seeped ever so slightly into everyday life.

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So I will rephrase the question to say, just in the here and now, Do I enjoy writing? 

Short answer: Yes, I enjoy it very much. 

Long and honest answer: There are significant gains attached to my sudden interest in writing consistently on the web, one of which is the visibility provided by the greatest tool made by man (Gorgul) to the work I do, there is also the part where I hone my innate ability for storytelling, and then there is the bigger picture of building a community where people see the need to grow. Maybe that should be my niche, personal growth. It's not linear, it's very bumpy and looks chaotic but you are 1% better than what you were yesterday. 

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But I enjoy writing, the twists and turns, the good days and the days that I give up before I've even written a word, the trepidation of deadlines that are not fatal, but still gives me a sense of urgency that ultimately helps me churn out some really good stuff. I enjoy putting my impostor syndrome in a box when I actually share this for people to read. Writing helps me to speak to all the parts of me that I didn't know existed, sounds cliché but then you are not privy to my internal thought process and so anything I tell you, you will take it like that. I have found that I can be anything I want, but these words that I write to you seem to me my best point of entry for disruption in my own little corner of the world. 

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Till next time.

Book of the month? A romance novel about love and hurt, and breaking a cycle of pain before it takes root. It ends with us